By Nyawira Githae
My body was on fire. I kept imagining how good it would feel to dunk my head into a huge bucket of ice cold coca cola and drink to my heart’s desire.
We had just completed 20 sets of 100m (4 lengths) freestyle sprints and had now started swimming 25m (1 length) x 10 of freestyle. I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air. As soon as we
touched the wall, we only had about 10 seconds to recover before we had to swim again.
Located near the equator, Mombasa is a hot and humid city. Walking outdoors feels like the sun is trying to kiss you. In the hot season, the warm water of the swimming pool can quickly feel like a sauna during swimming practice.
No one was chatting or joking around which is how you knew things were serious. Everyone was tired-angry.
“Pheeee!” Off we went. I started strong at the beginning of every 25 m but during the last 10 meters, I always felt like I was flailing, struggling to reach the end. Every muscle in my body was taut as I strained to touch the wall.
We were 3 girls in a group of about 18 boys. We weren’t treated differently because we were girls. We were all grouped according to our speed and we each had to keep up with our group. We did the same amount of training as the boys both outside and in the water.
Finally, our coach blew one long whistle to signal that we had completed the program and we should swim a few slow laps to cool down before we got out of the pool to change. I lay on my back and floated because I didn’t have any energy to do more than that after that killer program.
“Miss, when you started teaching us swimming, I thought that the students were going to walk all over you.”
“Why did you think that?”
“Because you’re a lady and you’re not big. But when you started teaching us, you took charge and were in control.
I like it.”
“How did your previous coach teach you?”
“He was tough. No nonsense. I didn’t think you’d be able to teach us the way he taught us.”
Those are two snapshots of my life. I grew up and live in a patriarchal society but fortunately for me, in our household, chores were not allocated based on gender. Neither were ceilings placed on my dreams because I was a girl.
Did I experience patriarchy at home? Yes. Has my quasi egalitarian upbringing shielded me from experiencing the patriarchal toxicity of my society? No. It’s everywhere. There’s no escaping it.
But with my background, when I am sitting at my laptop, applying for jobs, it never crosses my mind that I shouldn’t apply for a position because of my sex. When I am working, it never crosses my mind that I am incapable of fulfilling my role as a swimming coach or a writer because I am a woman.
How to Practice Matriarchy at the Most Basic Level
How can more girls and women operate without these mindset tethers? I think one of the answers lies in matriarchy. It’s already being practiced but not enough. We need more women to accept and pursue leadership roles for us to break the misleading beliefs we have about our role in society and what we can and cannot do.
We need more women who can relate to our problems in all kinds of spaces so that we can have gender specific and viable solutions. It’s hard for men to understand and champion solutions to problems that they can’t relate to unless perhaps it affects those close to them.
And this responsibility shouldn’t be left to women in high positions. I believe matriarchy can be practiced at any level and it doesn’t have to be grand. It can be a personal trainer challenging incorrect gender-based ideologies around exercise by teaching her female clients that they can do strict/military pushups and not just kneeling pushups.
It can look like a teacher telling girls that being a lifeguard is just as much a viable career option as being a nurse. Or teaching our girls that it’s not okay to suffer through abuse of any kind and they have the power and right to leave irrespective of who the abuser is.
But most of all, it starts with your mindset. Convincing your daughter that she can apply for a scholarship when she’s aware that you’re not going to apply for a vacant role you’ve wanted for ages won’t fly will it?
