By Dawn Felder Boren
There have been so many conversations about inviting our White neighbors to the cookout. I have witnessed countless debates on who meets the cookout qualifications or who should be chosen over others. Cookouts, crab cracks and fish fries are something that almost all African Americans have experienced. It isn’t just a bunch of people eating. There is something spiritual about these ways of communing because it’s embedded in our history. So my question is, “Why is it so important to invite white folk to the cookout”?
Growing up in the southeast almost guaranteed that you were going to be grubbing outside. The heat, cold, mosquitoes or even rain isn’t stopping a good backyard throw-down. I remember when my uncles would come home with a “mess uh fush” from their day at the river. The women would go outside and clean it all for the fish fry. I’d be mesmerized watching my great-aunt and grandmother sweeping up the scales that decorated the ground with their homemade stick and twig brooms. There would also be times when the men broke ground to cook a wild hog deep in the earth. They’d stay up all night and take turns removing the tin, checking on the fire and turning that hog until you hear “E done”. These ways of cooking and communing wasn’t something that we picked up on randomly. Some African Americans, especially people in the Gullah Geechee community had to cook this way. We had to eat off the land. Anything we could grow or catch ended up on our tables and because we struggled economically, cooking without electricity was the only way to cook. In fact, cooking outside has never been difficult in our culture because our enslaved ancestors cooked this way. Those customs were passed down and maintained in our families. In present day, cooking in our natural environment is a choice because we have grown financially.
I recently saw a reel that said cookout culture was changing and I was in total opposition. I honestly don’t see a change from when I was a child to now. I thought that maybe there was no change because of the Southeastern style of living so I asked my foodie and 2024 James Beard Award recipient friend, KJ Kearney what his thoughts were and he said, “This is not my lived experience! Plus, in Charleston we do cookouts AND crab cracks AND seafood boils.” A part of me jumped with excitement because cookout culture is my culture. If he agreed with the change in cookout culture it would mean there would be a decline of uncles grilling in socks and sandals, nobody line dancing in the backyard and no one slamming cards on picnic tables during a good game of spades. I mean who’s trying to miss out on all of that?! KJ also recently spoke about cookout invitations on his social media platform Black Food Fridays (Commercial Break- if you are not following Black Food Fridays I need you to do so today). Ok back to what I was saying. He responded to the article, “Surprising Celebrities We’d Totally Invite to the 4th of July Summer Cookout” (2023) which was published by The Root. The article contains short list of Non-Black celebrities who would be invited to the fictional all Black cookout and it provides a description of why they are invited. It also suggested that a certain White celebrity comedian would roast your uncle at the fictional all Black cookout. KJ bought up the fact that the comedian is in fact funny but normalizing a White person roasting your uncle in a Black space shouldn’t be a thing. He went on say he would love to invite said celebrity to A cookout but not THE cookout and if he had to explain the difference between THE cookout and A cookout then THE cookout was not for the said celebrity. KUDOS KJ! I feel like this was the perfect explanation and once again… I agree. Why is getting invited to A cookout not good enough? Call me crazy but I’ve never seen anyone debating on what Black folk they are inviting to the bar mitzvah. I’m just saying.
As I pondered on why this topic is so popular and why we feel the need to share everything. It has always been said that America is the “melting pot” and our unique cultures are what make us special. My family will tell you that I love a nice dress and anything celebrating women but I’m not trying to crash a quinceañera. Don’t misunderstand me because I think that quinceañeras are absolutely beautiful but I also understand the importance of the ceremony and its significance in the Mexican, Latino, Latin American and Caribbean cultures. I’ve never felt like I was missing out on something because I am not a part of these important parts of someone else’s heritage. You know why? Because I have my own heritage. As Black people, African American people, we have to be comfortable enough to say THIS BELONGS TO ME. In my opinion, the root of these problems go back to slavery and oppression. Now there will be a lot of people who say, “Everything bad in the Black community isn’t connected to slavery” and while I somewhat agree I’d also say that a lot of negative characteristics in our community have Middle Passage seeds embedded in them. What do seed do? They Grow. If our ancestor’s breast milk had to be shared with White slave owners children then why wouldn’t the cookout be shared? If enslaved husband’s, brother’s and uncle’s teeth were shared to make dentures for White colonizers then why wouldn’t the cookout be shared? And if children were stripped away from their families and shared to slave in fields then why wouldn’t we share the cookout? We are so accustomed to sharing everything with White people that it’s showing up in our social lives and we don’t even notice it. Every time I hear about cookout invitations I think of the times when white people forced themselves into our homes during a time when we lacked a voice and the power to say something as simple as NO. I can only imagine how violated our ancestors felt and now that we have an option to hoard pieces of our culture we are choosing to give it away.
Can we dead this topic cousins? I have plenty of paper and ink if I need to print a petition. I’m trying have a conversation before I pull out the heavy artillery. Instead of deciding who we are going to welcome in our space let’s take time to cultivate it’s extraordinarily dope characteristics. The atmosphere changes when we are present because we are a vibe. Let’s also not forget how long it’s taken us to get to this place of freedom because our ancestors did not have the right to solidarity. It’s such a great time to be Black. It’s summer and the height of cookout season so you can find me at THE cookout eating some good food and laughing until I cry. See y’all at the cookout!
Resources:
Black Food Fridays:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackfoodfridays?igsh=amxicTJqZWQwM21x
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BlackFoodFridays?mibextid=LQQJ4d
Holland & McDuffie (2023). Surprising Celebrities We’d Totally Invite to the 4th of July Summer Cookout. Retrieved from: https://www.theroot.com/surprising-celebrities-we-would-totally-invite-to-the-s-1850258202
