By Belle Monroe
A great philosopher by the name Keke Palmer once said, “I’m sorry to this man.” This week on Tipper Gore’s estranged husband’s internet, famed relationship, and self-appointed dating guru, Derrick Jaxn was exposed. He rose to fame by dispensing dating and relationship advice to millions of largely black women. The videos touched on topics such as “How to tell if he’s a narcissist” or ” How to tell what his true intent is”. Things came crashing down in a fiery hot Cheeto blaze when one of Jaxn’s former mistresses spoke out about her time as the other women. She stated that there was a pregnancy, sexual trysts in his marital bed as recent as the beginning of March 2021. She even went so far as to say that he often filmed his advice videos outside of her home. This story is messier than spring break in Miami Beach. Speaking of state of emergencies, Derrick Jaxn’s career is on life support and the black community is fresh out of ventilators.
This entire debacle calls into question the influx of relationship gurus, truth breakers, and tough love givers – all aimed towards black women. Are they helping or harming? I’ll admit that I may have watched a video, or 10, of Jaxn’s from time to time. For the most part his videos all seemed to be common sense. However, I can understand how for some, he represented the wise father or know it all big brother that was sorely lacking in the lives of many women. In a world that can often make black women, especially single ones, feel unprotected, left out and looked over, it was nice to have someone say for a change ” It’s not you, It’s them”. You sis are worthy of healthy and abundant love. Dating is hard. Throw in brown skin, any age that does not begin with two, and it can be downright hell.
The truth of the matter is that it’s hard to swallow that Derrick, while preaching healthy relationship methods to black women all over the world, was giving the black woman he shared a last name, legal paperwork, and a home with, absolute hell. To make matters worse he paraded her in front of a camera as he held a gorilla glue grip on her hand and confessed his sins in the third person. A woman who was, up to this point, more unknown than one of those Flowers in the Attic kids was suddenly a punchline, meme, target, and topic. I can’t imagine the thought process, strength or Valium it must have taken to put on an Emily in Paris beret and sit still while your husband confesses his infidelities to the free world. I just know that I, Belle Monroe, first of her name, could never! She has since spoken out about her religious beliefs and the weight that her faith played in her decision to forgive and stay. I’m not one to question anyone’s faith or beliefs but one would hope that whatever hers’ are, they lead her to the path of self-love, self-worth, dignity and healing – and not hot grits.
As for Mr. Jaxn, my hope is that he uses this comeuppance as a means to do some serious self-reflection and to seek intense mental health services from a real professional, not just one who plays at it on Mark Zuckenberg’s social media. The fact that he thought could build a platform on preaching healthy dating and relationship tactics while laying it low and spreading it wide is beyond me. It definitely shows a level of delusion seen only in children, Bow Wow, and the criminally insane. To his once and even still loyal followers, the advice he often gave wasn’t necessarily wrong. In fact, many would argue it takes a cheater and a charlatan to know one. Unfortunately for his followers and for Mrs. Jaxn, the lies, cheating, gaslighting, and rampant narcissism were for real.
Dedicated to black women…You are beautiful, the bag, and the blessing.
