By Immani Love
We all remember the scene, Lucy holds the football, Charlie Brown attempts to kick it, she snatches it away from him just as he is about to connect with it, and as he lays flat on his back he shouts, “Good Grief!” Or when Sally is distraught and rambling on a rampage of frustration while Charlie Brown listens and finally rolls his eyes with a face palm and sighs, “Good Grief!” as she storms off. We all laugh at the interaction and the catchphrase is iconic. You hear it and chuckle, but have you ever thought about the actual words? Good…Grief. Is there such a thing as “good” grief? These past few years have been chock full of grief for many across the world, every day there are more and more reasons to grieve. Be it the loss of a loved one, the loss of income, the subsequent loss of material things, or even the loss of love or a romantic relationship or any combination of things. We all have had something to grieve in our lives. Personally, I have had the unfortunate (or maybe fortunate depending on your outlook of things) opportunity to experience all of the above situations and most recently had the opportunity to explore the many ways one can deal with grief.
So, most of us know the 5 stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We’ve seen them in action and can pinpoint exactly where someone is in their journey to acceptance. But how many of us realize that not only is there no time limit on grief but that at any point you can revisit any or all of the stages. For example, one may have accepted the loss of a loved one years ago but then a song comes on, or a favorite movie happens to be on TV and the next thing you know, you’re crying and yelling at the radio or TV, “Why!?” or “We weren’t done yet!” or “I miss my baby!” Then comes the depression, and then finally back to acceptance. It’s a cycle and we may not even acknowledge we’re in it until maybe we read an article that verbalizes exactly what we did last week. <Yes, this is that article> However, once we acknowledge something, isn’t that when we become grateful for it?
Earlier I said I have had the “unfortunate or fortunate” opportunity to experience several types of loss. Let me explain…Although my experiences may have at those moments in my life, been devastating and heartbreaking at the time, I must admit they were necessary moments of awakening for me. To lose a loved one, gave me a renewed respect for mortality and the value of living every moment of life as if it were my last. It reminded me to not allow fear to keep me from trying something new or asking the universe for exactly what I want. To lose income and material belongings, reminded me that money comes and goes and everything material is replaceable, but each day is an opportunity to get more. To lose love is impossible (that was a trick statement,) Love is eternal and can never be lost, only redefined. However, to lose a romantic relationship is indeed painful and often one of the most frustrating types of loss but even that one is a blessing in disguise. Whatever the reason for the end of the relationship, and whether it was amicable or full of anger, foul language, and property damage, (no judgement) it was the end and the beginning simultaneously. It was the end of the relationship but the beginning of your heart mending, it was the beginning of your eyes opening to what you lacked in the relationship, and it was the beginning of your next beautiful, healthier, loving relationship, even if that relationship is with yourself.
Loss is eminent. In turn, so is grief. Life is full of experiences that shape who we are and how we leave our mark on the world. Each experience is an opportunity to gain something and should be thought of as such. So perhaps, Charlie Brown was right, perhaps there is a such thing as “good” grief.
I. Love
She/her
@immanilove
