By Jeffrey Kagan-McCann, Playwright and Founder of Pearwater Productions and the Hartford Fringe Festival
I have been in a same-sex interracial relationship for ten years, but we have known each other close to 35 years. We come from totally different backgrounds. I was born in Hartford’s North end and lived in the projects. My partner Bill was born in Flushing, Queens, but lived mostly in the Greater Hartford suburbs. My mother was divorced and raising seven kids, mostly by herself. Bill’s parents divorced when he was a teenager, but still remain in his and his siblings’ lives. I went to public school and he went to private schools. I went to college late in life (dropped out) and Bill went to a Liberal Arts school in Maine. I am black and he is white.
We are different in many ways besides our skin color, but our relationship seems to work. Our families have accepted our relationship. While there are maybe one or two family members who can’t quite grasp the idea of us being together, I realized that I don’t care. We have been very fortunate to have family and friends who love and support us.
I’m not going to say it’s always been easy. We have disagreements just like any other couple, but we also respect and care for each other’s opinions. We haven’t had to run into any hate or negativity geared toward us in public. We know it’s out there and we aren’t completely blind towards it. As a couple, we are strong together and ready to take on life’s challenges cause we love each other.
Being in an interracial relationship is a learning experience. You can talk openly and honestly about your thoughts when it comes to your differences. I do talk to him about my fears when it comes to the police (especially when driving in the suburbs in Greater Hartford area) and being the only person of color in a room at a party or a family event.
Luckily our family is diverse: we have family members who are Black, White, Jewish, Hindu, Jamaican and Indian. I know this sounds like we’re in a rose-colored glasses Utopia, but all relationships have their challenges. You can’t help who you fall in love with especially when they come from a different racial background. I’m the type of person who’s always learning and interested in different ethnicities. We are a couple that is settled: we are homebodies.
We rarely go out but if we do on a rare occasion, it’s either a date night, which consists of a dinner and a movie, or we babysit our nieces and nephew and go shopping. Again, we are a boring couple who enjoy each other’s company. We started out as friends all those years ago and became much more.
Being in a relationship such as ours isn’t going to be easy and it’s going to take a lot of work and support, but it works for us cause we know each other and we know each other’s faults. We know we have each other’s back when it comes to a situation and we know that we will always be there for each other. I mean, we’ve created a new family. It may not be what the rest of the world sees as a “traditional” family, but it’s our family and that’s what counts.
Being in a straight or same-sex interracial relationship may not be for everyone, but again you can’t help whom you fall in love with. I think it’s easier today with the younger generation to be in this type of a relationship. They grew up being taught to be compassionate and to learn to accept a person’s differences.
I am very happy and proud to be with my partner. If you are in an interracial relationship or at the beginning of one, I say go for it. You have someone in your life that loves you and wants to share your life with you. You will learn about each other: your likes and dislikes, your favorite film or TV shows, or your favorite type of music. All you should know is that this person is your soul mate and you should just love and support each other. I love Bill and I’m glad we are together and I hope we are together for another ten years.
