By Dawn Felder-Boren
Welcome to 2025! As usual, last year ended like most, with vision boards, oaths of hitting the gym and eating healthy for the next twelve months. This will lead to people mobbing the gym and posting daily “New Year, New Me” photos in front of a treadmill. The grocery stores will also get some of the action because for the first 30 days everyone will be living in the produce section. I’m not calling anyone out but once February hits, the kale will be giving you the side eye and watching as you grab the soda sitting next to it. While I think the ambition is wonderful, I also realize that focusing on resolutions outside of the gym isn’t so bad. DJ….play B%#?* Don’t Kill My Vibe!
We have a saying in the Gullah Geechee community, “Mind ya mout”. The English translation is basically, “Watch what you say”. I’m going to switch it up a bit and say, “Mind ya energy”. Yes Energy! How many of us can say that we are intentional about our energy? I am not just talking about the energy given but also the energy absorbed. Adults have a habit of overlooking disrespect to “keep the peace”. In return, this results in taking responsibility for the actions of others because we feel an obligation to the ones we love.
It reminds me of a family gathering I went to. We were having a great time. Everyone was fellowshipping and enjoying each other’s company. Then one of my cousins walked into the house. Her face was as tight as my budget, body was as stiff as the finger waves I wore in the 90’s and she sat so forcefully that it shook the Jenga blocks neatly arranged on the table. Just like that, the energy in the entire room shifted. The laughter ceased, our game ended and most of my family members wandered outside. Some of us just sat at the table in silence and strolled on our phones until it was time to adjourn. That moment stuck with me as I drove home. I just couldn’t believe how fast the night changed without one word being said. It was all energy. That ol’ funky, stank, musky energy! That was when I decided to control the energy I give and absorb. To be honest, I wanted to go outside with the others, but I knew that one of the elders would say, “Where you going gal?”, so I sat there. I chose to be around that energy because of what someone else would say and for that I had to take accountability. I used “nature” as a woman to cast the blame on the elders. In in my culture, it is very important that women spend time with matriarchs in the family. It’s a way to gain invaluable wisdom and understanding. This time together is significant, but I chose to observe only one part of my nature that night. Another natural response was to get away from a situation that was clearly uncomfortable. It’s like seeing a lion charging towards you. The natural response would be to run to safety, not consider how the trees would feel if you decided to scale one of them.
In James Baldwin’s “Notes of a Native Son”, he stated, “We spend vast amounts of our time an emotional energy in learning how not to be natural and in eluding the trap of our own nature and it therefore becomes very difficult to know exactly what is meant when we speak of the unnatural. It is not possible to have it both ways, to use nature at one time as the final arbiter of human conduct and at another to oppose her as angrily as we do” (1955).
While the “Notes of a Native Son” collection of essays was focused on racial injustices and hypocrisies of America, the quote is a perfect example for this topic. Some can argue that Baldwin was calling out human deceptiveness because of our habit of using nature as a trait to dismiss real behaviors that would be in fact true human nature. One way to prevent falsifying your nature or consuming bad energy is to create clear and defined boundaries. Boundaries are created and enforced by you and only you. They don’t need an explanation or defense. It is our responsibility to remove ourselves from any situation that violates the boundaries we establish. Identifying interruptions to our energy is very easy because it is felt. That is our body’s reaction to the surrounding energy. I sent a mass text to some of my family and friends about the December 2024 black moon which occurs about every 29 months in hopes that they could catch a quick glimpse. The next day, my friend said that she was “in her feelings”, and she asked me if it could be the ‘moon. I said, “Yes, it could be the moon”. If the energy of the moon can affect the tide, then why can’t it affect us if our body encompass 50-60% water. We are in the presence of the moon, but it is certainly not sitting across the table from us. Walking away from the moon’s energy is impossible but we can definitely walk away from Aunt Lucy with her negative tale!
So, how important is your energy to you, your sanity, goals and livelihood? Are you going to give friends, parents, kids, uncle or even the girl at the drugstore counter power to interrupt your vibration? I hope not. Peace is to be valued, and it should be placed over pacifying bad behavior. This notion doesn’t stop with people either. The expectation is for others to respect the boundaries we’ve established; therefore, we also have a duty to respect our own boundaries as well. Being accountable for our actions is major and it is wrong to project bad energy. Internal conversations are basically personal counseling sessions. Taking the time to identify things that have a negative effect on your energy is vital. Just like many of you, the 2024 presidential election had me in discord. The changes in predictions, things said in debates and inappropriate condonations made in professional settings had my emotions all over the place. Simply put, I had an attitude, and I noticed it. Therefore, I decided to take a break from social media and television for the week after the election. This may seem very small to some, but it was major to me. I did not fully disengage with politics and the state of our country during this time. Instead, the break from public forums allowed me to have meaningful political discussions with my 19year old son. We didn’t agree with each other on every topic, but we engaged in healthy communication on items that would affect our lives, and it left me feeling empowered instead of defeated. This is an example of controlling the narrative, knowing my boundaries and pulling positive aspects out of situations that would have an adverse effect. In no way, shape or form am I saying that I’ve figured it all out because I am known for a good eye and neck roll when something makes me mad. What I can say is self-reflection has helped me recognize behaviors that govern the energy around me, and I am finally putting in the work.
Do I need to hit the gym? Yes! I am saying that with a sense of guilt as I try on the 3rd pair of jeans that have mysteriously shrunk over last few months. Is it number one on my list of self-improvements for 2025? Maybe not and I feel ok with that. Teaching myself energy discipline will trickle into boundary awareness, accountability, healthy living and self-respect. I’ve chosen to nurture the inside before aesthetics. It’s attention that I’ve needed for a long time. Ok, so are you in or what? Let’s take this journey together because sometimes you must check people who you care about. I’m vowing to save my eye and neck rolls for when I absolutely need them. Believe me, they will not be wasted. Instead, when encountered with unsavory energy I will grab my lil poc a book and walk off like that Viola Davis meme because I’m going to need these folks to Put Some Respect on My Energy!!
References:
Baldwin, J., & Jones, E. P. (2012). Notes of a native son. Revised ed. Boston, Beacon Press.
