Every family experiences changes. Some are planned, others are unexpected. Some are joyful, others are marked by pain or uncertainty.
Whether it’s divorce, the death of a loved one, welcoming a new sibling or moving to a new home, these events impact every member of the family. For young children, even small changes can feel monumental, and how adults talk with them affects how they respond and cope.
Dr. Lauren Loquasto, senior vice president and chief academic officer at The Goddard School, shares this guidance to help families navigate change.
Why Transitions Matter to Young Children
To understand why transitions affect children so deeply, it’s important to remember children see the world differently than adults. Their routines, relationships and surroundings establish a sense of security and safety. Their families and role within them form their initial identities. Any disruption, big or small, can shake their foundation. Children can handle change, but adults must help them process it.
Children are naturally perceptive. When something changes, they notice. When they lack the language or understanding to ask questions, they express their feelings through behavior. It’s how young children express, “I’m feeling something, but I don’t have the words for it.”
When children become clingier after a new sibling is born or struggle with meltdowns in a new classroom, they’re trying to process the changes in their lives. These behaviors signal, “I’m not sure what to do with all these feelings.”
View Changes Through Children’s Eyes
Everyone experiences changes differently. Even within the same family, adults and children may perceive and respond to the same event in unique ways. An adult may see moving to a new home as an exciting fresh start while children may see it as leaving behind the only bedroom they’ve ever known.
Approaching changes through a child’s lens helps reframe what’s happening. Instead of minimizing feelings, adults can acknowledge the shift children are experiencing and guide them with care.
Proactively Communicate
When families face big changes, one of the most common questions is, “What do we tell the kids?” There’s often a struggle between wanting to protect children from overwhelming emotions and offering them enough information to make sense of what’s going on.
Rather than avoiding the conversation, discuss what’s happening using this framework:
- Acknowledge what’s happening. Use clear, simple language, such as: “Daddy is moving to a different house and you’ll have two homes now.”
- Focus on the present or immediate future. Young children often don’t have a solid grasp of time. While they can understand routines and orders of events, it takes well into elementary school for them to truly conceptualize time.
- Name the feelings. Give children words for what they might be feeling. “It’s OK to feel sad or confused right now. Sometimes changes feel hard.”
- Provide reassurance. Let them know that even though things are changing, they’re still safe and loved.
- Encourage questions. If you don’t have an answer, it’s OK to say, “I’m not sure, but I’ll find out,” or “We’re figuring this out together.”
Avoidance is a natural instinct, but silence leaves children to fill in the gaps with their imaginations, which can be scarier than reality. Moreover, when they sense something is different but no one is talking about it, children might feel alone in their confusion. By proactively communicating, you tell them, “I’m here with you.”
Embrace Feelings
Transitions can be emotional and children need space to express their feelings without judgment. When a child cries or lashes out, instead of responding with, “Don’t be sad,” validate the experience by saying, “I see you have big feelings right now. I’m here with you.” Help your child manage these feelings by encouraging active expressions, such as drawing, writing or moving to music.
Transitions can be challenging, but they’re also opportunities to build resilience and deeper connections. Approaching big changes with empathy, proactive communication and an open heart helps children feel more secure and confident to move forward.
To watch a webinar featuring Loquasto sharing additional guidance and access parenting insights and resources, visit the Parent Resource Center at GoddardSchool.com.
Photo by Mikhail Nilov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-boy-crying-beside-the-bookcase-7929246/
